TALES OF THE GIRL CHILD -A Nonfiction [2]

“There’s something else that I'm not proud of. I was at home most of the time during the holiday after junior WAEC and two boys came to stay with us for a week. Their mum was hospitalized so my mum offered to house them till she came back.
During that period, I abused the younger of them. I knew better than to hurt a young boy's emotion but I have no idea why I did that. Maybe I wanted to know what it felt like having the upper hand or being the bigger person. I have no justifications for my actions and till date, I wonder what became of him and I'm sure he would be holding grudges. He was 8 years old then and I did not forget nor forgive myself completely until sometime last year. How long would it take him? They moved back to their dad's hometown not long after the mum returned and that was the end of that chapter.”

If you have not read part 1, please click here
https://distinguishedteenagers.blogspot.com/2020/05/tales-of-girl-child-non-fiction.html

“Occasionally, I still stumbled on books with sex scenes and my curiosity and hormones would always get the better part of me. Like I said earlier, my greatest undoing were the books I read.
I got saved and was baptized in the Holy Ghost in 2015. I then began to grow in God’s word and all was going fine until I stumbled on some books again. I don't remember those books now or how I laid my hands on them but I'm sure it would have been from school mates. After reading those books, the urge would come to masturbate and I'd give in. Afterwards, I'll cry and beg for forgiveness. I would question my salvation and wonder if I was really God's child.”

When we got saved, we got adopted into Gods family and received the holy spirit as a s seal of the same. God stands by his word to us and is faithful to the same. However, the devil loves to play on our emotions to make us feel what we are not especially when commit some sinful acts.

Then we begin to wonder who our identity is. During those moments, we should always recall who we have been made in Christ Jesus and draw strength from the same. Self-condemnation and being pitiful doesn’t help us. Rather, those moments of proud humility loosen our convictions and draws us even into the deepest of sins.

“Then I got a phone. Well, the phone did little to hurt because one of my brothers did some settings on it before giving me that prevented me from accessing the Internet in any form. After WAEC, I was able to find out what he did and got access to the Internet. 
I remember seeing a classmate of mine reading a book on her phone. I was surprised seeing her read because she was not a book person. So I gave her my phone to send it. I wanted to see the book that could hold her attention so much. It happened to contain erotic content and I read it. I became guilty and deleted it from my phone but the contents still remained intact in my mind.”

Does “And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” sound familiar?

“I stayed home for a year before writing jamb. It was during this period I read “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I did not get my hands on part 3 and I wanted to see what would eventually happen so I went online to search for it. Let me say at this point that some books can be crazy to be honest. Movie scenes are not usually as intense as some writers paint them to be in books. This is a major reason why I avoided reading “The legend of the Seeker”.
With that came the insatiable want for more books. I've always loved love and relationships. And God knows how much harm that has caused me in my few years on this planet. I downloaded Wattpad so I could get access to books with love stories topping my read list.”

As a young Christian, you should not be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. The media is filled with all sorts that are meant to subtly show things as what they are not. That we see it all in films, hear in songs, read in books and on blogs does not make it correct. On love, relationships, marriage, family, career, diligence, money and every are of life, God’s Word is the only standard and it is what we live by because our source is Him. Say after me, “Jesus is my standard!”

“Eventually, I deleted all those stories and downloaded stories written by Christians. I felt ‘if people can write and upload bad stuffs here, then there should be Christians who can do same with good contents.’ That was how I started downloading and reading books and devotionals by Christian teenagers. I had also become involved in DT at this time and was ready to give up those ways.
So I took it upon myself to save myself. I wanted to give it up of my own accord. Silly me! You would say. I got to know better last year when I went for a retreat after my first semester. I saw myself as I was. Helpless and unable to help my shortcomings. 
What prompted me was actually another incidence with ‘books’ that day. I had seen an interesting story on Facebook the day before. And I downloaded the app so I could access it. I continued reading the book till I got to the camp. The story was what I buried my head in through the day till the program started in the evening.
I had to keep my phone because the program had started. I stopped reading the story in a scene containing sexual advances and all. Through the praise and worship, I could not concentrate as my mind kept going back to the phone. I left the place and went to use the toilet. Well, I did not want to use the toilet, I only wanted to see what happened next in the story. And there I found myself going back to what I’d decide to stop.”

“Well, as usual, I cried again and wept asking for forgiveness. But this time around, I wasn't just asking for forgiveness, I was asking for help. Help most especially. Trust God to choose that moment to embrace me in love. I literally felt Him hugging me. I went back to the service and was quiet all through. I remember crying into my sleep that night and asking for help all the 3days I spent there. Left the camp a blessed soul and it has been God since then. I deleted everything on my phone that could make me fall again. I even removed Wattpad completely too. And that’s pretty all.”

You know why we receive salvation and deliverance from God. Or to put it better, you know why Jesus had to come and rescue us from sin? It is because we were helpless and couldn’t do it on our own. It is a nature that we are born and grown with. We couldn’t help ourselves, even the ‘goodest’ of us. However, when we accepted Jesus, we received help as we got totally changed. A new creature.

Now we received alongside salvation the Holy Spirit. He is one who helps us. Earthly methods won’t work. We must choose to joy in the fact of what Jesus had done and apply that reality to what we are going through. We aren’t helpless folks anymore. We are more than overcomers through him that loved us. We attack these things from a standpoint of victory. That is what would change and bring about results for us, really.

And remember what we said about doing the work? Yeah, these things have been done in you. It’s up to you to work them out. Do what you learn. Practise purity and love. Practice self-control and discipline your heart and eyes.

 It’s been a lengthy one hasn’t it? We’ll conclude with a word from Bro. Paul to the Philippian Church,
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things that are of good report; if there be any virtue and if there by any praise, think on these things.”

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Compiled by: Leye Abiola


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