Tales of the girl child (non

I want to start by expressing my hope that from these teenage issues that you have been reading since we began, one of the resolutions you must have made is to become friends with your unborn children, especially to see them through their teenage years.

Creating a close bond with them will help them feel close to you, and find you accessible when the need arises. This way, they will not have to opt in for negative sources when things go awry.

Before I go into parenting tips mode, lets read together another story of a teenager who went through abuse at an early age and from there was drawn on. You would agree with me, eh. You’re still a teenager, aren’t you?

Joy grew up without a brother so she pretty much regarded every male in the extended family as brother. And since they all lived together, she had many cousins, uncles and surrogate brothers who filled in that gap.
This familiarity and closeness gave one of her mothers’ cousin, (whom we shall call Uncle I) an opportunity to abuse her sexually at a really young age.

Rather than report the abuse, she grew arrogant and stubborn. A favourite of the other cousin, she kept going to their place in ignorance and would leave whenever she met uncle I alone at home. Both parents were busy and not around. She even says of Mummy, “She does not believe anyone will harm her or her children. She thinks everyone has a good heart like her.”

After primary school, the family moved to another town without the extended roots. However, it took some time, two years in fact to get adjusted to living in a new life. In the period of those two years, they still sent back periodically for Sunday services at home church and on one of those Sundays, she visited the house where both uncles lived.

It was Uncle I she met at home and as she wanted to leave, Baba started to play games again. However, she had received some enlightenment at Sunday school and she resisted him strongly.

“I called him names and promised to get my dad to arrest him. As I started going back to church, He followed me pleading not to say anything but I kept going without listening to him. Eventually, he caught up with me and gave me some money to buy egg roll for myself and my sisters. I went back to church later than expected. I cried all the way back.”

It’s amazing what Sunday school does in our lives isn’t it? Church helps us to grow and get better always. Though its understandable that Joy was younger when this happened, the Bible says that doers not hearers of the work would be blessed. So as we hear in church, lets commit to mind what we hear and be resolved to put them to action. Faith without works is after all dead.

Fear also did nothing to help. Joy was scared, scared of things, of what her parent’s reaction would be, of how her sisters would react. She admitted that she wasn’t close to her elder sisters and felt that they would taunt or discuss her among themselves. So, she shut up and continued to flow with what the devil enjoyed.

You know, the reason why we encourage teenagers to open up, is basically so that they can be helped.

However, when a person is in enough trouble already as it is and feels that opening up to those around her would compound issues, wouldn’t she rather keep quiet? Blame it on her but love can be reckless and inviting. I think I have laid the foundation, let Joy continue with her story.

“Oh, there's something in between. Before moving, there used to be a girl like that in our compound. She was a neighbour's daughter. We became friends because we were age mates and one thing led to the other. I don't know what she thought she was doing, but I felt I was playing mummy and daddy's play. She came from her mom's village few months prior to that time and she was always saying that was the game she used to play with her friends when her mom had gone to farm.

We had been watching a harmless movie and all of a sudden she'd just close the door and say we should sleep. Her dad and step mum moved from that place before we did so I never set my eyes on her again.”

I really hope that parents and elder siblings are reading this blog. it’s your job and duty to protect your child(ren) with all diligence. Be observant, know where they go and what they do there. Let’s go on.

“Things were hard for my parents after moving so we did not go to school for a while. I eventually resumed school in JSS 2. I call my junior secondary school a scam because there’s little to say of it that's good.

I literally did not learn anything all through my 2 years in that school. The school was more or less a glorified tutorial. The proprietor who also served as the only teacher took advantage of me and the fact that we could not afford fees as at when due. Then the arrogance returned.

I would listen to no one. Not even him. I turned into a banshee. Always screaming whenever he does so much as sit close to me. He'd laugh it off and everyone would think I was just being dramatic. However, we both understood ourselves. Studying held no interest for me. I just wanted to read story books and forget about my school books.”

With all these going on, I did not say a word to anyone. I thought that I was reducing the burden on my mom. How would she feel knowing that her daughter was being abused by someone who's supposed to teach her?”
“Few months to Junior WAEC, I got tired of being manipulated. Even though my self-esteem was in shreds, I decided that I could no longer keep quiet and take all the rubbish. I complained and asked my mom to move me to a public school. She agreed and said I should at least write my junior WAEC. Armed with this knowledge, I was going to treat him with disdain and be damned. One day, he tried his 'jokes' again and I screamed so loud that the whole school was angry and students wondered why he could not stop me. So he got angry and sent me out of school with a false reason that I had not paid my fees. But as usual, we both knew what was up.
It’s funny how a lot goes on around us each day and we are oblivious to them. It is almost cliché to hear people say that they are going through a lot but it carries a lot of truth. Respond to nudgings to check up on people. To ask questions, to show love to people, even when they keep refusing it. The life of a believer is highly shown in his love walk to those around him. Not just those he knows or are friends with. Everyone. We have the ability to love and care because Gods love has been shed abroad in our heart by the Holy Spirit.
“I went home and told my sisters immediately. (Ehen, since all these days). Trust those wonderful sisters, they went ahead to tell my mum and she called me to hear from my mouth. After explaining all to her, she asked to see him. She was angry but tried to keep her cool so she asked that he come over to see her.

When he came mum laid the accusations and he said he did not see it as anything bad because that's how he plays with his younger sisters and he sees me as his little sister. My mum then begged me to return to school at least to write my exams. I was already happy staying at home but I had to consider the fact that my mum toiled to get the WAEC fees and without those results, I wouldn’t be considered for admission at the next school.

I did not get access to any pornographic content until a time when I collected a story book from him. This was before Junior WAEC. Remember I told you that I loved reading? I asked for it and he willingly gave me. The book was a story that contained a lot of fictitious adult material. I read it and returned it the next day without saying a word to him. Ideas and pictures had already been formed in my small head. Books I read were the destructive agents for me. I had no phone, no one watched porn in my house, so there was no way to encounter it except through books.”

So here’s another thing. Access to the media is what exposes many teenagers to explicit content. When we hear media, our minds drift to phones, the internet, songs, etc. Books are also a form of media. That is why Newspapers and magazines are classified as traditional form of media. So when you make decisions to be cautious with what you feed your mind upon, include books too. It might not be as regards pornography. Spiritual knowledge, fantasy, supernatural experiences, take care what you read.

“There’s something else that I'm not proud of. To be continued